Every hobby has its caricatures, its members who so well fulfill a particular stereotype (not used in a negative way) that one cannot help but wonder if it is an act.

As a passionate and unabashed geek, I have encountered my fair share of these cartoon-like figures.

It’s happened to me more than once that I have walked into my local comic shop to grab a new release of The Amory Wars or a codex for Warhammer 40,000 and have encountered a man…boy…male leaning over the rack of Magic: The Gathering cards with drool on his shirt and glazed doughnut flakes on his lips, laughing at his own jokes with a drone that would make Fran Drescher cringe. When I encounter this figure, I am almost always tempted to put my selections back on the shelf so that I am not lumped into the same category as this fellow. But I am a geek and will sacrifice my self respect to get my nerdy fix!

Pipe collecting and smoking has these caricatures just as much as comic shops do, though I have never encountered someone who has made me ashamed to be a pipe collector. A great deal of these caricatures are even clearer on Pipe Forums, where people have the opportunity to share photos and thoughts with a click of a button at any time of day.

The Lone Ranger:

We all have that one pipe that means a great deal to us, that shines through in our memories for one of myriad reasons, such as nostalgia, functionality, beauty, or the quest that one had to go through to acquire it. This particular pipester, however, either managed to acquire that singular pipe of perfection on his first try or subsequently got rid of all other pipes after acquiring this one. He only has one pipe and fails to understand what is known as PAD (Pipe Acquisition Disorder) and the general desire to acquire another pipe. There are two forms of this particular pipester: the one described above, who has found his “holy grail” pipe and believes that, since his perfect pipe has already been acquired, there is no use in pursuing more. The second type is a bit more basic and sees pipes only as means to an end: burning tobacco. In his mind, if you have a pipe that smokes well, then you’re done. This kind of makes one wonder why such a pipester would even be a member of online forums, as so much of the discussion involves the acquisition of more pipes. I, personally, welcome as many of my friends to join the ranks of the One and Done pipester, as that just leaves more pipes for me!

The Corncob / Briar / Meerschaum / Clay Only Collector:

Unless you have managed to keep your collection completely symmetrical and balanced, there is one medium of pipes that outweighs the others in terms of value. This particular collector, however, has taken that to the extreme and vowed to collect only one medium of pipe; further, he bellows loudly and often about how all of the other mediums are inferior to his chosen form. When questioned about the virtues of his favorite style, he will go on and on about the wonders of his worshiped material, but will simply plug his ears when similar values are pointed out about the other mediums. Once again, more for me.

The Master Debater:

This person finds any hot-button issue being discussed, either on a forum or in calm conversation among collectors, and turns a rational dialogue into a raging argument. Common subject matters that the Master Debater simply cannot resist include the value of inner bowl coatings, the function of bowl geometry in relation to tobacco flavor and burning qualities, and the price of pipes. Once this person opens his mouth, the entire conversation stands on the edge of a knife in an attempt to retain its sanity.

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